CONSCIOUS DATING
What is Conscious Dating?
How do we find the right partner? The truth is we don’t find the right partner; we find ourselves, our values, life vision, hopes, and dreams, and then we find the person we can share it with. That is the essence of conscious dating, gaining awareness of who we are, what we want, and how we can achieve it.
According to estimates, only 5% of our human brain is conscious, while the remaining 95% is our unconscious world leading our choices. Carl Jung perfectly described it, saying, “ Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and will call it fate.”
Conscious dating invites you to gain deeper insight into your unconscious in search of the truth. Instead of choosing a partner because of unmet childhood needs and insecurities, you will start identifying your true requirements in a relationship. You will differentiate between attraction stemming from fear and attraction cultivated by true heart, mind, and soul compatibility.
But first, you need to work on the most important relationship you will ever have, the relationship with yourself!
How often did you neglect one of your core values to fit in a relationship? How often did you let go of one of your requirements to extend the expiry date of a relationship that has long ended, or even worse, staying in an abusive relationship because of your fear of loneliness? Endless relationship choices we unconsciously make prevent us from reaching our basic needs: love and connection.
What you need is to fall in love with yourself first. You need to be your biggest supporter, admirer, and coach. You need to believe in yourself unapologetically and pursue your life vision regardless of who will be your partner. Your external relationships are an extension of your internal world.
A healthy relationship will have compassion, empathy, active listening, joy, and consistent growth. Do you honestly feel that you have this relationship with yourself? Do you have compassion for your weaknesses, or are you self-critical? Do you empathize with all your different parts and understand how and why they were created? Are you working to create harmony and peace within yourself, regulating your emotions and managing your thoughts? Are you pursuing the things that you love and have passion for? And finally, are you committed to your growth no matter what happens or how hard it might feel sometimes? If the answer is no, chances are your next relationship will be fueled by your need for validation, fear of loneliness, or boredom.
We don’t have to be completely healed to be in a relationship, but we must be on the path to authenticity to choose consciously.
Now I invite you to write down a love letter to yourself, a letter you would like to receive from a partner. This letter has everything you have been looking for. In this letter, you will promise yourself this healthy relationship you have been seeking. You will specify with actions how you will grow this relationship with yourself.
After finishing your love letter, read it aloud and feel every word. Take a moment and write your requirements for the partner with whom you will share this love letter. Expand on it if you want, and imagine a perfect day with this partner. Note that your requirements are things you cannot live without and are non-negotiable. So, starting today, promise yourself that you will be the chooser and not the chosen.