HEALING FROM A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
HOW TO HEAL THE MIND WITHOUT CLOSING THE HEART
Toxic relationships could be traumatic! Without the emotional awareness and self-compassion needed after the breakup, we tend to either suppress our emotions or embody the victim role crippling our recovery. The heart is depleted seeking instant gratifications but with no hope. The mind on the other hand is creating layers and layers of protection to make sure that this pain will not be experienced again. You are on survival mode and before you know it fear is your decision maker. You are not recovering from a toxic relationship, you are simply replacing one toxic programming into another thinking it will yield different results.
So how can we replace recovering with rebirth. How can we use this crack in our hearts to allow the light to enter instead of ceiling it with hard bricks?
The first step is to simply accept your post-breakup pain with compassion and no judgment. If we change our mindset of pain, the effect of pain will decrease. Instead of dreading pain, think of it as a strict mentor who came to teach you about yourself and life. Though his methods are not lenient or compassionate, yet his lessons are life changing.
The second step is surrounding yourself with the right support system. Imagine your world is a big house with a huge garden. If you invite the right guests in, your house will be filled with love and laughter. Your carefully planted flowers in the backyard will be cherished. Your uniquely selected furniture will be admired and preserved. The same goes for your friends. When you are in pain, you need those who will help you plant your garden and clean your space. Family & friends who lift you up with no judgment should be the only ones allowed to enter your house.
The third step is to re-discover yourself. If your energy is depleted from a lost love, hanging out with your friends or trying a new sport will not ease the pain any sooner. You need a much deeper level of connection with yourself to detach from your heartache. Revive your connection with you inner child, creative side .......... Any part of you that you have long neglected and tossed away as unrealistic or unnecessary. Pursue your passions fiercely and radically. Anything that feeds your soul is certainly worth a try.
The fourth step is to reflect and learn. According to the law of attraction we attract who we are. Let me add to this sentence another sentiment, which is you attract what you need. We often place a tremendous significance on the people we meet without realizing that they simply crossed our paths to mirror our attributes and show us what we need to grow. This is why we will find ourselves dating the same person over and over again because it’s never about the person, it’s always about us. When we learn our lessons and change our patterns, we will attract differently and re-write our relationship potential.
Last but certainly not least. The only way to get over a lost love is only a bigger love. In a study published in 2018 in the International Journal for the Psychology of Religion, establishing a secure and loving attachment to God diminished stress and enhanced feelings of safety and comfort. Connecting to the source heals! Cultivating this connection has a tremendous positive effect on your nervous system as well as fostering self-love and acceptance.
To summarize healing from a toxic relationship, the keyword is connection. Connecting to your pain, loved ones, our authentic self, inner wisdom and most importantly God.